Whatās the deal with untrustworthy people? Why are they so dishonest and awful to those around them? Do they even trust themselves? Have any of them ever trusted themselves? I think these are all essential questions to be asking. Before we go any further, Iād like to acknowledge upfront that there have always been exceptions to the worst of us, there have always been those who rose above their upbringing and culture and raised the bar in one way or another. Thatās what a hero does, but many people have not been heroes at all. Many people have been dishonest, untrustworthy, brutal, cruel, to themselves just as much as to anyone else. After all, itās not possible to be cruel to another person unless youāre expressing that cruelty to yourself too.
Something that has bothered me for a long time is that people will pretend hurting others in one way or another doesnāt impact them, but the problem is when you allow yourself to hurt another person, youāre also revealing your own weakness. What I mean is that if you allow yourself to think of other people as ānothing better than dogsā as some cruel soldiers in history have done, what that means is that this disrespect for others, and for dogs, also means you wonāt allow yourself to express any of the qualities of dogs such as loyalty, trustworthiness, friendship, and so on.
Our judgements of others are always also judgements of ourselves, and whenever we judge something as āotherā to ourselves, we throw away any chance of conscious access to all the positive qualities of whatever it was we have disavowed. Thatās why itās often self-destructive in some form to make harsh judgements of others. Of course, letās be fair. Most of the time when people make such judgements itās because theyāve lost control of their emotions due to being in a dangerous or highly toxic social situation. Think of how in the past, in the early days of the united states, people were literally kidnapped into armies against their will, and then imagine how such peopleās psychologies might have to adapt to the situation in order to survive.
What Iām saying is Iām not trying to blame them for it. But what I am saying is it seems like many people in these situations had not been philosophical enough or reflective enough to rise above their situation, to find any truly universal principles in the disasters they found themselves caught in. That may be why they settled for less.
Letās get back to the topic of Trustworthiness in the world today. From what I have been reading in my historical research, there is a trend going back to the first American colonists of smiling and shaking hands, only to mount a betrayal as soon as it becomes convenient. I think this form of cowardice is something some Americans are still grappling with today, and itās something we need to confront directly.
Letās reflect on some of the consequences of such untrustworthy behaviors. It seems clear to me that anyone willing to betray others out of convenience is not someone anyone can trust, no matter whose āsideā theyāre on. If your best friend is willing to betray others as soon as itās convenient, you canāt trust them either, and most likely this person canāt even trust themselves. Such a person is a danger to themselves and everyone around them. Thereās no long term benefit in such betrayals, because they ultimately mark one out as the kind of person who cannot be counted on for anything.
So again, weāre exploring the problem, but why is it so common? Iāve been thinking a lot about how often people are willing to settle for less than they deserve in life, and how often it is that people act in self-destructive ways. Something which has been on my mind a lot lately is the popular idea that āhuman nature is greedy and cruelā or other such nonsense. There are people who would have you believe the reason people hurt others is because itās just āthe way it isā, but whatās much worse I think are those who argue that somehow, by being cruel and horrible to others, there is some kind of benefit as a result. I donāt believe it. I really cannot believe such a thing.
As weāve already explored in this essay, when we harm others, when we betray and hurt others, it marks us out as a kind of social outcast. In other words, treating others badly is the path towards being shunned by others. No matter how much money you have, if you canāt find anyone to take you seriously or work together with you your money is useless. If itās obvious that everyone hates you and you try to hire people for a project, they probably wonāt respect you and probably wonāt do a good job, and they might not even do it the way you want them to. Thereās so little value in hatred.
On the other hand imagine a popular and charismatic person dedicated to helping others! I think these days thereās a lot of cynicism out there. I think some of the more cynical among us may believe thereās no value in being a friendly and helpful person who cares for others, because somehow thatās going to be less effective in the end than being a twisted cyclepath. I think the cynicism is misplaced, and I believe itās wrong. Itās clear to me that all true power is social, that power is a kind of energy field generated by those who care for each other and respect others. It requires respect.
Networks are a true form of social power. A greedy and selfish person who betrays others is about as far away as we can possibly get from a collaborative network. This greedy and nasty person is someone who pushes away social networks and in some cases even attacks them. Thatās not strength, itās a form of weakness and cowardice. Itās a form of self-destruction which harms not only the untrustworthy person, but which can also drag other people down too. Thatās why itās necessary that we do not allow for such greed and dishonesty in any kind of constructive project. This is why the phrase āthe ends justify the meansā is absolutely wrong. The ends must be the means. As Ursula Le Guin wrote, āwhat if there are no ends? all we have are means.ā